Books 681-685

Well.

This is embarrassing.

I was going to write and publish this post yesterday,

but for some reason my computer  

(or my internet)

(or both)

has been having difficulties logging into the site.

 

Truth?

I debated writing this post,

backdating it,

and then pretending I forgot to share it with you all.

But you know what?

I have too much respect for you all. 

So I didn't.

You're welcome.

 

This post is a special post. 

It's ground-breaking.

For the first time since 

Books On My Parents' Shelves began,

I let my parents look at the books before 

I posted them here.

 

And so,

here for your reading pleasure, 

is the transcript from their reactions.

 

For the most part, 

the transcript is unedited,

although I did skip the "ums" and "uhs"

and other such unnecessary fillers.

 

Also,

because I am a brat,

my parents will be referred to as

"Mommykins" and "Daddykins."

 

I'm pretty sure I'll be out of the will after they read this.

 

 

SM:

Here is your first book.

 

Mommykins and Daddykins

(Almost exactly at the same time...

For reals,

Daddykins was only about a half second behind):

What is it?

 

Mommykins and SM

(Again,

at the same time. 

It's a family thing, apparently.

Mommykins also laughs before reading):

Chinese Jump Rope.

 

Daddykins:

I've never seen that book.

 

Mommykins: 

I think that was probably something

we gave one of you girls for a birthday present,

or something like that.

 Mmhmm.

I have no clue.

(Laughs)

 

Daddykins 

(to SM):

Or somebody gave it to you?

(Laughs)

 

SM:

Any impressions-

 

Mommykins:

Are we gonna be looking at all children's books?

Is this what's going on here,

because...?

 

SM:

So you can give me-

 

Mommykins:

They're not even our books!

(Laughs)

 

SM:

Well, they're on your shelves!

I mean, you can also give me your impression

of what the book looks like,

what it makes you think of.

 

Daddykins:

Well...

 

Mommykins:

It's a little scary.

(Laughs)

 

Daddykins:

You mean, 

what is- what's attacking that little girl?

 

Mommykins:

Mmhmm!

I know!

 

Daddykins:

It looks- that looks kind of scary.

 

Mommykins:

A blob!

(Laughs)

 

Daddykins:

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't-

I don't that-

It must have been something

someone gave one of you girls,

 because we would have just given you the egg rolls.

(Mommykins and SM laugh)

Instead of a Chinese jump rope kit.

So, yeah.

I don't know that I have anything more to say about that.

 

SM:

Yeah, Mum?

 

Mommykins:

I played Chinese jump rope when I was a kid.

It was fun. 

 

 

SM:

Book two.

 

Mommykins:

Another dangerous looking book!

(Laughs).

 

Daddykins:

Mmhmm.

 

Mommykins:

And another one that I don't recognize at all!

 

Daddykins:

I've never seen...

 

Mommykins:

I've never seen it before!

No clue where it's come from.

 

Daddykins:

Mmhmm.

It looks like the Bobbsey twins on crack.

 

(All laugh)

 

Mommykins:

Definitely!

Anti-male.

The girls are laughing at the boys.

 

Daddykins:

They're laughing?

I thought they were sick.

 

Mommykins:

Oh.

 

Daddykins:

Isn't she clutching her stomach in pain?

 

Mommykins:

I thought she was laughing.

(Laughs)

 

Daddykins:

I think she's about to throw up.

 

Mommykins:

I don't think so.

 

Daddykins:

Hmm.

 

Mommykins:

Laughing at those poor boys' misfortune.

Obviously a book for girls.

 

Daddykins:

Mmkay.

 

Mommykins:

And see as we had three girls in this house...

 

SM:

Makes sense.

 

Mommykins:

Three daughters.

Yeah,

makes sense. 

 

 

SM:

Book three.

 

Daddykins:

I've never seen that book before.

 

Mommykins:

I've never seen that book before, either!

(All laugh)

 

Daddykins:

Are you sure this is our house?

 

SM:

Yeah... yeah.

 

Mommykins

(reading):

"Totally hilarious and deliciously wicked.

"This is one book I never-"

(Stops)

"This is one book I never wanted-"

Oh!-

"to end."

I thought it said,

"I never wanted to read!"

(All laugh)

That's another girly book.

 

Daddykins:

Now is she wearing green tights,

or...

 

Mommykins:

Is she an alien?

 

Daddykins:

Does she have green legs?

Yeah?

 

Mommykins:

She could be an alien,

but her hand is flesh-toned.

 

SM:

Maybe she's just wearing a flesh-toned glove.

 

Daddykins:

Glove, yeah.

So she'll blend in.

 

Mommykins:

And that's why she has to learn English

as a second language.

 

Daddykins:

Cause she's an alien.

 

Mommykins:

She's an alien!

(Laughs)

 

Daddykins:

Must be.

 

Mommykins:

This should go on the Sci-fi section of our shelves.

 

SM:

You have Sci-fi section?

 

Daddykins:

Do we?

 

Mommykins:

No, not yet!

(Laughs) 

This could be the first book!

 

SM:

I want to let you know, 

you're not actually allowed

to start organizing the books

until I finish scanning what you have.

Otherwise it's going to be a terrible

case of repeat offenders!

 

Mommykins:

Well, there might be a few of those, 

cause I moved a couple of books.

(In other words, 

be warned, readers!)

 

SM:

Oh dear!

 

 

SM:

Book four.

 

Mommykins:

This one I do recognize.

I have seen this book before.

 

SM:

This copy?

Or just the book in general?

 

Mommykins:

This copy.

And I assume we read it to you guys at one point.

But I don't know.

We might have been totally derelict parents.

Just hand you the books and not read them to you.

 

SM:

We did kind of read a lot of them for ourselves.

 

Daddykins:

Obviously,

with those other books

we should have paid more attention about

what books were in our house. 

 

SM:

You approve of this one, then?

 

Mommykins:

Yes.

 

Daddykins:

Mmhmm.

I, of course, have heard of this one,

but I don't think I ever read the book.

 

Mommykins:

Oh, I like this book.

You haven't read Doctor Doolittle?

 

Daddykins:

No.

 

Mommykins:

You were a deprived child.

 

Daddykins:

Yeah, I just saw the movie.

(Laughs)

 

 

SM:

Okay, final book.

 

Mommykins:

I LOVE this book!

 

Daddykins:

Mmhmm!

Yes!

 

Mommykins:

I love, love, love this book!

And I love the bad hat.

Every child should read this book.

 

Daddykins:

I don't remember this book specifically,

but I do remember the Madeline books.

And they're fun.

They're fun pictures.

And silly little rhymes.

 

SM:

Did they rhyme?

I don't remember.

 

Daddykins:

Yes!

Yes!

They rhymed!

 

Mommykins

(From memory):

"They went to bed at half past nine."

 

Daddykins:

"And the youngest one-"

 

Mommykins:

How many girls in "two straight lines"?

(Laughs)

 

SM:

That's right!

 

Mommykins:

"The youngest one was Madeline!"

Can I have another piece of bread, please?

(Oh yeah, we were eating dinner throughout all of this)

 

Daddykins:

That doesn't rhyme.

She said.

 

SM:

Okay?

 

Mommykins:

So I guess, two out of five?

(All laugh)

 

Daddykins:

Yep.

 

SM:

So you think that's a percentage

for all of the books in this house?

 

Daddykins:

No, I think that's pretty high.

(Laughs)

 

Mommykins:

I sort of recognize the Chinese jump rope one.

 

Daddykins:

Really?

 

Mommykins:

I have a vague memory of it.

 

Daddykins:

You might have just tried to forget it.

(All laugh)

 

SM:

Okay, done?

 

Mommykins:

Mmhmm.

That's all you need?

 

SM:

Yeah. 

Just gonna write it as a transcript.

(In other words,

they were warned.)

 

Mommykins:

Uh-oh.

 

And thus ended my parents' observations and the recording.

 

The end.