Books 521-525

You know how sometimes people say

they have good news and bad news for you

and the good news kind of softens the bad news?

 

I'm sorry.

I only have bad news for you.

You might want to sit down.

 

Are you sitting down?

If you're not, you don't follow directions well,

so you might not care.

Or you might have a standing desk.

Or a treadmill desk,

in which case I am incredibly jealous

and want to come hang out with you.

 

But, for the rest of you,

who either were already sitting down

or who follow directions better than your fellow readers,

we have bad news.

 

The scanner is dead.

 

Or in a coma.

I haven't quite figured it out yet.

All I know is, it's non-responsive.

It's been rejecting life support systems.

And I can't find its will.

 

Starting next week,

Books On My Parents' Shelves

will only post on Mondays and Fridays.

If the scanner issue hasn't been sorted out by the beginning of June

we might have to drop down to just Friday posts.

You might want to consider visiting other

books or humor blogs to get your tri-weekly fix.

 

Let's not be too bleak, though.

We might still be able to save the scanner.

This might not be the last Wednesday post ever.

 

And,

on a totally awkward transition,

do you want to know what also doesn't last forever?

 

 

Books like this.

I wouldn't be surprised if we all already knew

all of the trade secrets this book was selling.

Also,

I don't like books that seem like they're screaming at me.

 

Let's have another awkward transition!

 

This next book is also kind of loud.


 

At least it's grammatically correct, though.

 

Okay, my transitions today between books

are really horrible.

I blame it on the scanner.

The sad news is clearly impeding with my ability to entertain.

 

So please,

reminisce about your childhood.

 

 

Or think about what you had for breakfast.

Whichever works for you.

I had grapes and coffee.

It was very exciting.

I also had a childhood,

but we can talk about that in depth another day.

 

For today, though, I'll just say

my childhood did not include me reading this series.

 

 

My childhood was also sadly devoid of

mysteries, arch-villains, and striped polo shirts.

 

 

Well, I don't feel so bad about the polo shirts.

But it would have been nice to have

found stolen pirate treasure or discover a cult

that requires its members to wear hats

that match the shape of its doorways and cave entrances.

I would have discovered the Blobby Hat Cult.

 

It also would have been nice not to be allergic to hay

and other spring/summer allergens.

It's kind of hard to solve mysterteries when

you have to spend the whole summer on benedryl.

 

You do end up reading a lot, though.